i stayed at home for the whole day, it's saturday! i spent time at home with my son. my husband left too early that i decided to just stay at home. he arrived early in the evening with gifts for me...it's mother's day tomorrow that's why. i had arguments with him the night before...it's kinda too personal to mention, but i have reminded him about our need to be intimate with each other of which he oftentimes take for granted...anyways, i apoligized somehow by the content of my text message and indirectly made him feel that i was sorry the night before... hoping that he would make it up to me this evening..
i was excited to have hug me and felt ooohhh...his in his senses for love... i was ready for it and foreplay started...only to have it abruptly cut off in the middle of it because he don't feel like doing it anymore...he said he was too tired and he would later make it up to me...LATER...i heard him say later often and i witnessed how that LATER is never...
i felt sorry for myself...i realized at this point in my life, where i am maritally settled, things such as trust for each other and SEX is tremendously important...but these were never delivered properly sometimes...a lady pastor was concerned about our sexual relationship and reminded me to be a priority in marriage because it is very important. Yes it really is important to me but it seems that it is not his priority for him...i pitty myself for being able to do something about this...i feel ashamed to discuss this further with him...i felt that it is his duty to initiate this act since he is the person stronger and on top of me...i don't even know how to deal with this matter with him...i don't know how...but it really hurts me seeing him sound asleep and has forgotter all about his duties as my husband...i cried in bed and i could no longer contain it, it would be more therapeutic perhaps if i write it in this blog...
to add pain to this injury...i am reminded of this ex who i envision to be happily married...does he make her happy all the time? how often? i wish him dead!
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