drained...

it's has been a rough day since yesterday... hubby and i had this neverending argument about certain things...this morning, while i was in the shower, i had this unexplainable feeling of "i'm giving up" and "i don't like it anymore." kind of outburst. i felt like i wanna disappear and be gone forever...but i thought of my son who is just 4 years old. what could happen to him if i'm gone?

i felt as if God has forsaken me, and that i am on my own. so many questions came to my thoughts as i was having my shower. i felt like a looser, i always felt that i am since the ex left me and moved to have a good and happy life with someone.

we never spoke while in the car on the way to work, i only spoke when i gave money for gas, and never replied...when he said he has many concerns at work, i blurted what about us not being able to talk about a lot of our differences? i started crying and opening up to him what i really felt.. until we reached my workplace, we stayed in the car for an hour discussing about what i am feeling...he never said anything that would keep my peace or at least make me feel comforted...i felt that i was too honest to tell him but never assured about anything...

i felt drained of that conversation right now...i felt that i poured everything and my heart seems to feel empty as of the moment...
what could have been my life if i never married? would it be easier? more difficult? lonelier? happier?

pondering today's goings on...i don't know... i just felt drained...